STAYING POSITIVE... IS IT POSSIBLE?

The prospect of finishing one’s degree is a driving force to overcoming any obstacle in life. It has a “push-pull” factor that inspires- motivates and activates an attitude of “Yes, I can”. This force pushes a graduate to work hard- to march on- to achieve, while pulling them forward- closer to their destinies. This force activates the realities of their dreams and the possibilities of achieving them. Many graduates complete their degrees energised and filled with hunger to go out into the world and make a difference. But once this process is complete, many of us are faced with reality of unemployment- the torment of nepotism and possibly the nightmare of a negative attitude.

It is no secret that the job market is not always favourable. It is no secret that finding the job of your dreams is not always as easy as remembering the 7 P’s of the Marketing mix or that you will find the dream job immediately after your studies. All these facts could be de-motivating but it depends on one’s attitude.

Unemployment is every graduate’s biggest fear; the frustration of struggling to find a job and the prospect of regret. What make matters worse are people who try hard to motivate you- forcing you to appreciate your accomplishments and reminding you that it is not over yet and things always work out. Their intentions aren’t completely unwarranted, but when dealing with so many unanswered questions- it could be hard welcoming this kind of motivation.

Surely there has to be a way- some kind of secret to dealing with this kind of difficulty. There must be some kind of formula to overcoming this nightmare.

Yes, there is ...the secret is a positive attitude.

A vast amount of material has been written on the subject of “a positive attitude yields positive results “. Many an author, pastor and life coaches continually reiterate the importance of positive living and a positive mentality to overcome adverse situations- be it illness, school, unemployment or life in general. It is becoming common knowledge that “it’s not what happens to you that matters, but how you respond to it that does”, and an increasing number of self help books continue their teachings on this subject. John Maxwell shares 7 Steps how a Positive attitude can change your life- how changing your mentality from things are impossible to everything is possible can impact you and your dreams:

      Possibility thinking increases your possibilities- it you are positive that you will find your dream job and believe its possible then you will find it.

      Possibility thinking draws opportunities and people to you- if you are passionate about the job you want to do- go out and use the time you have available to learn, network with the people doing the job already

      Possibility thinking increases other’s possibilities- your attitude can affect other graduates-so surround yourself with graduates that are positive and inspired

      Possibility thinking allows you to dream big dreams- let the dream you had at university drive you forward- motivate you and inspire you to dream bigger and make it a reality

      Possibility thinking makes it possible to rise above average- never allow the situation you find yourself in define your destination. Aspire to be a better graduate- a bigger dreamer

      Possibility think gives you energy- lf life hands you lemons- squeeze them and make lemonade- smile, laugh and live.

      Possibility thinks keeps you from giving up- it is your attitude that will keep you inspired and motivate to wait for your turn. Keep an attitude of “ Yes I can” “ Yes, it’s Possible’

Being unemployed is not an easy period in one’s life but it is your attitude that will make the difference.  Adopt a positive attitude no matter how hard it is- this will keep you going – this will keep you hope- this will keep you from giving up. Use this time to give back to the community- use this time to improve you- use this time to learn, read and empower yourself. John Maxwell writes in his book, Thinking for Change that you need to invest in yourself if you want to succeed.  Use this time to do that.

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CHANGING

I find myself at a point in my life when I am hungry for something new; hungry for something bigger. As this hunger grows and starts to consume me from within, I find myself getting confused, agitated and frustrated. This frustration could be as a result of “where do I start?”, “how to do this?” “What will come of this?”

It is no longer enough to approach life hoping that things will work out as you’ve imagined them. It is no longer enough to sit around, waiting for opportunities to come find you. It is neither the time, nor the place to be passive- this year calls for drastic change.

But what is change? How do you accomplish this ‘change’ people talk about?

This has been a question that has weighed heavily on my mind for the 2 weeks of 2012.  I’ve been telling myself that I need to change my mindset; need to change my approach to life. I’ve gone as far as striving to be a ‘change agent in my community and the world’.

The harder I tried to initiate this change, the harder it is to carry on. It is at this point of initiation that I realised that in order for change to happen, I need to rid myself of the old habits that hold me back from becoming a better person. It is at this point that I realised that I cannot change the people that hold me back, but I can change who I allow into my life- their impact- their contribution. My goal in life was to be a change agent; to change the world and to change lives. What I didn’t realise was that before I could change the world or lives; I had to work on myself first. Leo Tolstoy quotes;

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself”

After reading this quote in “Thinking for Change” by John Maxwell, I learnt that I need to empower myself first, before I can empower others. It is important to work on yourself before you can advise others on how best to live their lives- on how best to approach their problems and conquer their fears. Become the change agent to your own life; become a person that radiates integrity and strives for success.

As we march on into 2012, I urge you to focus on changing yourself- focusing on become a better person- a better brand. This is apparently the year for the “self” and the year for “wealth” and it is my mere coincidence that I found the quote by Leo Tolstoy “everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself”

Change is not easily nor is it fun; but if we can change ourselves this year- 2012 will be a year we can be proud of. John Maxwell writes in his book, Thinking for Change, that “only when you make the right changes to your thinking do other things begin to turn out right”  May this truly a year of the “self”- a year where we concentrate on improving the people we are- the people we wish to become.

Society constantly refers to our generation as the ‘lost generation’ for a number of reasons. We are often reprimanded for our disobedience. We are crucified for our lack of manners and respect for our elders. Our parents severely criticise our efforts in trying to accomplish tasks -some as simple as house chores or other given tasks- maybe because our approach and timing in accomplishing these tasks differs drastically from their approach.  Dare and try reason with an elder and you are done- immediately labelled as unruly and disrespectful.

I find it frustrating that we are often dismissed by society and then they have the audacity to call us the ‘lost generation.’ What our parents fail to understand, is that our generation is not like theirs. We are the twitter and Facebook generation- a generation that relies heavily on expressing our opinion. We are the generation of “ITunes” and “To – do list”- a generation that schedules dates with friends, lovers and other activities- meticulously I must add.

The reason I am constantly at war with my parents and society is their lack of listening. They hear me but they do not listen to what I have to say- my thoughts; goals or plans. They assume that they know what is best for me without asking what I think. They schedule plans without consulting me or asking if I will be able to do it- they decide what is best without my input. More often than not, they just waltz into my room each morning- give me a detailed list of tasks I must do and when I must do them. Why they couldn’t give me the list the night before baffles me. This way, I can include the tasks in my “to- do list” and still have time for my own tasks.

Parents often wonder why we rebel and act in ways they cannot understand – they then blame it our moral decay and the ‘lost generation’. They often ask why we deliberately break rules and throw tantrums. We have a voice- so do not just hear but actually listen. We have a brain- do not treat us like robots and issue commands- engage our minds and see our potential. We have opinions and ideas- do not dismiss us, listen and consider our suggestions.

According to Susie Michelle Cortright, here are 10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills you can learn and share with your parents. Cortright writes and says “Listening skills fuel our social, emotional and professional success, and studies have proven that listening is a skill we can learn.”  Cortright goes on and lists tips on how to listen effectively as listed below

1.    Face the speaker- sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show you attentiveness through body language.

2.    Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you all remain comfortable.

3.    Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV- Put down your books or magazines and ask the speaker and other listeners to do the same.

4.    Respond Appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and um-hmm” and nod). Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really”, Interesting as well as a more direct prompts: What did you do then? And what did she say?

5.    Focus solely on what the speaker is saying.  Try not to think about what you are going to say next. The conversation will follow a logic flow after the speaker makes her point.

6.    Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and continuously refocus your attention on the speaker, as much as you would during meditation.

7.    Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.

8.    Avoid letting the speaker know you handled a similar situation. Unless they specifically ask for advice, assume they just need to talk it out.

9.    Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until they finish to defend yourself. The speaker will feel as though their point had been made. They won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can speak, so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in... And be ready for more to come.

10.  Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but once again, wait until the speaker has finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying...” (iamnext.com:powerchange.com/students/people/listen)

We are not the ‘lost generation’- we are a different generation. Show us respect and we will value yours. Talk to us and understand us and we will be tweet more favourable things about you.  Hear us and we will cooperate and help in making life more pleasant.

 

Young and vibrant!!! An inspiration to many

Interview By Bophelo Kanetsi

Having set down with this young fellow for lunch, I truly felt motivated!! Tokiso Nthebe, an inspiring motivational speaker already on his way to publishing a book.

This mafeteng born gentleman is currently a student at university of Pretoria. He discovered in his teens he has a unique ability to inspire other people.  Sitting in a busy restaurant, Tokiso, otherwise known as T.K, spoke flamboyantly and above the noise. ‘People always said to me they feel better after speaking to me, when going through a difficult time. This is when I decided to reach out to more people and inspire the masses.’

So where did all this start? After a short pause to take a sip of his drink, he revealed that starting out was not necessarily difficult, as organizing talks does not require startup capital, just the right marketing.  He started by informing friends and acquaintances about his seminar. He therefore gathered material from several books he had read; his own life experiences and put together a PowerPoint presentation to be presented at his former primary school, in Wepener.

He retold the story as if was yesterday. He had targeted Grades 11 and 12’s, but mostly matric students that would be writing their exams soon. His talk seemed to have been effective as it drove several people to tears. It was then that he knew that this was his passion and a potentially lucrative business.

From there on, it has been talks for fellow students at the University of Pretoria.  “I attended seminars of other well known public and motivational speakers, so to improve on my own presentations. I added exercises as well, to make a better and longer lasting effect on a person.

He further went on to explain that in order to be successful in the future, he had to receive feedback from his audience. So every talk would be followed by a questionnaire. The audience rates him and suggests ways in which he could improve. With this information, T.K planned and executed bigger better talks. One memorable one ….he said, was the event at NUL. He prepared well as he knew this would be a difficult audience. To this surprise, they were fully attentive and willing to participate.

He is now a member of the Professional Speakers Association in South Africa, what is this twenty two year old planning for the future? Quite ambitious, I gathered. Among many of his big dreams for Lesotho, one that he feels could be the beneficial to Basotho is to create a platform that empowers the youth. ‘I feel that there isn’t really good career guidance in high schools, that people just study what is available, what is sponsored, what their parents are familiar with and not necessarily what they are good at. He is doing what he’s passionate about and it gives him such great pleasure, why not teach others to do the same. Tokiso further wants to partner with organizations such as SIFE to help young entrepreneurs build up successful business.

After this brief meeting with Mr. Nthebe I truly felt inspired. I had something to take home as well. He encouraged me to read, to read motivational books such as the Secret that help individuals to fully reach their potential. “The more you read, the better you can write, and the better you can speak. So T.K we truly look forward to your next public speaking event…….

LETTER TO LESOTHO

Dear Lesotho

You gave birth to a star- a star with so much potential. You’ve encouraged me to take a leap of faith and exceed my expectations.  You threw me in the deep end and forced me to learn how to swim.  You taught me how to fight for my dreams- how to take responsibility for my life. Your love for me- gave me the gift of education. You’ve valued me enough and gave me a chance to be a better person. Because of you, I acquired new knowledge. Because of you, I learnt how to grab opportunities with both hands. Because of you- I am who I am today: ambitious- resilient- educated.

For years I had nothing positive to say about you. I turned a blind eye to the love you’ve shown me over the years. I was quick to judge you- pin pointing your ALL flaws. I criticised you for your mistakes- however big or small. I never said “well done” to the goals you’ve achieved. I never said thank you for the opportunities you’ve given me, instead I blamed you for those you didn’t give me.

I am sorry for being unappreciative. I am sorry for not loving you the way you deserve to be loved.  I am sorry for never saying thank you. I am sorry for not appreciating you for who you are.

The time for us to love our country is here. It is time we stop complaining about our country’s flaws and start becoming contributions. It is time we stop criticising its mistakes and offer suggestions that will move us forward. It is time we stop comparing this country to other countries and start creating opportunities that will change our future.  All our complaining is not going to bring change.

Let us become the change we want to see in our country.

Yours Sincerely

Tokiso

What Will Matter by Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collect, where treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.  Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too your hopes, ambitions, plans, to do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave. What will matter is not your success but you significance. What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character. What will matter is not how many people knew you but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone. What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.

CLASS OF 2011

It seemed like just yesterday when I walked into my first Honours lecture- nervous of what to expect; excited by the prospects of a new chance to learn. I was a little concerned by rumours I had heard from former students- the “apparently” overwhelming workload; the difficulty of this degree and the tough times that I was to face.  I convinced myself that Winston Churchill had to be right when he said; “It is not enough that we do our best- sometimes we have to what is required.”

The rumours began to materialize sooner rather than later. The workload was overwhelming; the difficulty of the degree began to surface; the tough times seemed like they were here to stay- Honours 2011 was in full swing.

We suffered the wrath of the lecturer’s high standards. We faced disappointing results after many tests. We became experts at handling tight deadlines- adverse working conditions and sleep deprivation, but the goal kept us going.

It is now 11 months later and we made it through 2011’s hardships. We’ve conquered it- grew stronger and learnt valuable life lessons i.e. perseverance, commitment and resilience. Our setbacks taught us to pursue our goals and our accomplishments taught us to work even harder for what we want to achieve. We made no excuses for our failures. We blamed no one for our setbacks. Instead we preserved and tried again and again.

“Excuses won’t do it. Commitment, and the focused, persistent action to back it up, are what will get you there” Ralph Marston

If 2011 has been a disappointment; learn from your mistakes. If your goals didn’t materialize, focus on getting them right next time. If you felt like giving up or doing nothing- procrastination will not produce results- get up, act and take responsibility.

I raise a glass to the“Class of 2011”.....

Your hard work has paid off- be proud.

 Your goals materialised- set new and bigger ones.

You have become stronger, smarter and resilient individuals- learn more each day and conquer.

Smile. Laugh. Live