FEAR… AND FIREWORKS

There is a crippling feeling that is eating away inside of me… with each second; the pain gets stronger and unbearable. With each passing day, the worry grows bigger, leaving me anxious and frustrated. There is a crippling feeling haunting my heart, robbing me of my ambitious. A feeling so cruel, that I inevitably doubt myself.  A feeling so dangerous, that I lose faith in my own strength. The nights are the worst… I jolt out of my bed with each crackling sound. The shades that surround my room remind me of my failures, flaws and lack to talent. The screeching sound of the banging door makes me want to jump out of my skin. I am afraid… I am overwhelmed by fear.

I feel like I can never overcome it. I feel like I am not strong enough to fight it; the doubt; the nightmares; the low self esteem. How did I get myself in this situation?

My journey as a post graduate student has been surrounded by nothing more than fear and uncertainty. Fear of failure; anxiety and doubt. Fear of lack of understanding. Each passing day increases the stress and frustration. Each passing day drags my fear on and on.

 Why do I doubt myself like this? Why torture myself like this?

Katty Perry’s “Fire work” track has been my bridge to survival.  I’ve imagined myself as a firework.  A firework that has hidden potential…Creativity… art work… drive. A firework, that has a spark waiting to be ignited, showing off its burst of colours.

 I remind myself that after a hurricane comes a rainbow…radiating with bright colours. That there is a door in my life, waiting to be opened, opened to endless opportunities. I remind myself that like a fire bolt, my heart will blow… exploding with dreams.

Life is hard irrespective of where you are and what you are doing. And fear is there to create doubt, anxiety and worry.  But like a firework, we should ignite our sparks and unleash the potential. Like a thunder bolt, we should allow our dreams to explode. And like doors, we should open our hearts and embrace opportunities.

“Teach ability is an attitude, a mindset that says ‘no matter how much I know, or think I know, I can learn from this situation. That kind of thinking can help you turn adversity into advantage. It can make you a winner even during the most difficult circumstances.” (Source thinking for a change- J Maxwell)

So go on… become a firework and leave no room for fear to manifest in your life… let your colours burst. Let them see your worth.

 

OPPORTUNITES

For a greater part of my life I was convinced that my life was clearly mapped out. I would complete my undergraduate degree; pursue my Post graduate degree and work in a fancy company. My office would be furnished with state of the art furnishings- a view that inspired creativity and productivity; the passages would be beautifully decorated with art work that evoked emotions never felt and lastly the cup of coffee that would revitalise my overworked body.

I imagined my life in an environment so competitive that sleep would be luxury- the kind of life where the only things that mattered would be your values; work ethic and the level of productivity. This was a dream of the corporate world- where people constantly stretch themselves to achieve higher returns; better titles; better salaries. I focused so much effort into making this kind of life a reality. I strongly believed that my destiny was crafted in this kind of environment; with these kind of objectives; this kind of salaries

I become frustrated by the number of rejections I received from numerous corporate companies I had applied for. With each rejection e-mail, I saw my dream of the corporate life drift further away and my frustration quickly spiralling out of control. It didn’t make sense as to why achieving this dream was so impossible. It didn’t make sense why something so good was so hard to find.

Sometimes in life- we chase after dreams that were never meant for us. We chase after opportunities that were never meant for our lives. We make the mistake of investing immeasurable effort into an attempt that would fail because it was never aligned to our futures and thus, we miss out on great opportunities that lie in front of us.

I have recently woken up to a new dream; a life that is clearly mapped out; that is aligned to my purpose- my future. I would complete my undergraduate degree; pursue my Honours; complete my Masters and eventually my Doctorate.  My office would be furnished with state of the art furnishings- a view that inspired growth; development and education. The passages would be filled with legends that contributed to the world’s education and would invoke hunger for continuous learning and lastly, the cup of coffee that would revitalise; stimulate and educate my brain. I realised that I was never meant to be in the corporate environment but instead in Academia.

Are you chasing after opportunities that are meant for you? Are you investing effort into something that will succeed?

Let us stop wasting precious time pursuing opportunities that were never meant for our lives; instead focus on finding out what your purpose in life is and chasing after those opportunities.

Smile. Laugh. Live

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ACCEPTANCE

We often feel entitled to certain things in our lives; whether it is a particular job, destination or degree. We believe that our efforts should be acknowledged- that our time spent in preparation to accomplish these projects should be reflected in the final reward. It seems only fair that we receive our share of the bigger pie and rightfully so.

We all know that hard work always pays off; that what we put in is what we get out. But what if the input is not meant to produce a certain output?

A greater part of my life is currently spent applying for jobs for next year – and with each application I learn a new lesson. I believed that because I have a degree that I was entitled to any job; that companies would be fighting over me; that maybe they would beg me to join them, but soon realised that  this was a little too optimistic. And as some companies began rejecting my applications for different reasons- I realised that the input doesn’t necessarily produce a desired output.

A lot of graduates are going through a similar process. Most of them share similar perceptions, ideas and beliefs about job hunting. We feel a sense of entitlement and believe that our efforts must be acknowledged. We feel valuable and expect companies to move mountains for us- to fight over us and to give us the salaries we deserve. And why shouldn’t we? We’ve earned the degrees.

 Life has various ways of teaching us different lessons. These lessons come wrapped up in different experiences, rejection e-mails and sometimes just in black and white. Our lives are complicated by tough times; times that change us. We are often required to break free from what is familiar to us. We are often thrown in the deep end and expected to swim upstream- only to be rejected.

 But why do we perceive rejection from companies as negative or a personal attack? The lesson to be learnt is that you were never meant to work there; that your dreams were not aligned with the company’s. It is therefore up to us to get up and get back in the game.

Do not allow rejection to get you down...!!

DEFINE ME

We live in a world where people think they have earned the right to define us- to decide where we belong; who we should surround ourselves with and whom not to. Our societies have defined what kind of dreams we are allowed to pursue; what kind of jobs are acceptable.

Our communities; organizations and institutions also think they have earned the right to decide who is good enough and who is not. Who will be successful and who will not. It is no longer about quality or integrity. It is no longer about giving people a chance to prove their worth. We live in a world where we shoot down people- their dreams- their being.

We are all guilty of this- we are too quick to tell someone they are not worthy enough for our company. We are too quick to stereotype, categorize and isolate people based on our definitions.  We have suddenly become experts on fortune telling- deciding who is most likely to succeed and who won’t.

We destroy instead of building- we criticize instead of teaching. We are often reluctant to give second chances- instead we develop a list of definitions to label and categorize people. We allow our definitions to decide people’s journeys in life.  We are often to blind sighted by these definitions, and thus refuse to see people in a different light. We keep them prisoners; bounded by our limitations.

Who are we to define people? Who are we to limit people to our definitions?

Carolyne Newberger said “you never know where a person may go; so always encourage the journey.”

It is time we let go of these limitations. It is time to stop painting people with the same brush- the same colour- the same design. What gives you the right?