MENTAL PRISON

It is Sunday evening and I find myself in a state of depression. What brought about this state is unknown to me. Initially, I thought it was the dreaded feeling of Monday or the prospect of a new week and the challenges that come with it. I searched far and wide, desperately trying to pin point the source of this new feeling of self pity.

For weeks, I’ve found myself filled with feelings of anger and self pity and the recent drama at work just pushed this poison deeper in my system. It feels like I am loosing grip on who I am; on what I want and where I want to go.

Waking up in the mornings has started becoming problematic. My usual positive nature has slowly been fading away. Could I have resentments? Could I have given people power over my life?  Could I have underestimated my potential?

It gets worse, not only have I been feeling sorry for myself, but have begun doubting my potential. I used to wake up feeling motivated to make a difference both at work and in society. I used to overcome setbacks and pick up myself each time I fell. My mind feels locked up- caged by steel and thick locks. What used to give me a reason to wake up and work hard, no longer gives me this feeling. What used to inspire me to become a better person feels like it’s gone. My mind has become a prisoner of negative thoughts. My thoughts are prisoners of  my limitations; limitations I am placing on myself.

On this Sunday evening, I find myself lying on the couch trying to find my spark. I find myself begging to find something that will give me a reason to wake up tomorrow morning. In my desperate attempt, I page through the pages of the new Destiny Man issue and the first sentence on one of the articles is “Brilliant One, its 3am and I’m writing you a personal note to remind you that your brilliance has been repressed long enough.”

At this moment, I felt a new feeling surge through my system, so I read further. Simon T Bailey has a way with words that will reignite your spark and I quote, “There’ll never be a better time than right now for you to become the person you’ve dreamed of becoming”. I read this article to the finish and read it another 3 times.

He reminded me that when we are worried our brains get stuck in survival mode and doesn’t invest in new thinking,. It is when we start growing our brains , that we start living. He further says that when we start living, we begin to believe.

I am aware that it takes a while to get back to my positive self, but I can start developing new and innovative ideas that will inspire me. I am prepared to get up tomorrow morning with a hunger to become the person I’ve always dreamt of becoming.  I have a choice to leave my mind a prisoner of me imposed limitations; to get influenced by the bitterness of some of my colleagues or I can decide to become the person I want to be every day.

Simon Bailey concludes his article with a quote from James Allen’s book, “whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain, or rise with your thoughts, your vision, and your ideal. “

As Monday approaches, I challenge myself to be the kind of business man, I’ve always wanted to be and I challenge you to do the same.

THE CORPORATE CHAPTER

It is truly encouraging to see so many graduates embarking on different journeys in life; journeys that mark new beginnings in their careers; journeys that should be considered crucial foundations in their development as leaders.   Despite the economic crisis that affects many countries – there is still a growing need to employ graduates.

While many of us are overwhelmed by the opportunity awarded to us- an opportunity to be a part of the workforce, it is equally important to realize our responsibilities and expectations many of our employers have.

The hunger of being a corporate citizen began long before my tertiary days.  I fell in love with the idea of dressing up in formal attire; attending strategic meetings; conference calls, many trainings and business trips around the country. I also admired the title that followed at the end of different correspondences “CEO, CFO, COO, CII on e-mails, business cards etc.   What I soon realized is that for this hunger to materialize, a lot of work was required.

The reality of being an employee of a big organization is that you are accountable for your own development. The success of your career lies with you.  The first step starts when you decide to get out of bed in the morning and the attitude you adopt at that point.

You have a choice to make- whether you love what you do or whether you hate it. And if you hate it- what action are you going to take to change it.

 It is becoming evident that many graduates had expectations of what the corporate sector was about. And to our surprise, there are many discrepancies between what we expected and the reality of it. Some of us expected immediate promotions because we had qualifications.  Others expected different Salary Grades and some simply expected a smooth ride. Some of us expected intimidating colleagues or managers; while others are enjoying great working environments.  

Be it as it may, we still have a choice to make.   Are you going to let that salary grade affect your career? Are you going to let the bitter colleague affect your learning? Are you going to let your qualification shadow your learning and development? Are you going to let your pride hinder your progress? How are you going to deal with the discrepancy? How are you going to overcome this setback? How do you position yourself to make the most of the situation?

 What I’ve come to learn is that life is not a bed of roses. It is a journey that constantly requires a lot tough choices. Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book, Outliers, that there are three things your job must provide;

1.     Autonomy (independence)to make decisions

2.     Complexity(challenge) to engage your mind

3.     Connection between effort and reward

He explains that when these things are in place- then your job will be meaningful. It is at this point that you will love what you do- where your colleagues’ bitterness will be irrelevant. It is through these three pillars that your journey will be meaningful and the title you’ve dreamed about will begin to materialize.

To my graduate friends, we have the qualifications, but without experience the qualifications are incomplete. Let us swallow our pride and learn. Let us leave our egos at home and humble ourselves. The more we learn, the better equipped we will be to lead our organizations to new levels. Malcolm Gladwell further wrote in his book, Outliers, “hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning.” So find the meaning in the work you do and free yourself from the prison you are in. The choice to succeed lies with you… what are you going to do?

CROSS ROADS

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.  And sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler. Long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair and having perhaps the better claim, because it was grassy and wanted wear. Though as for that, the passing there had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay in leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence; two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less travelled by. And that has made all the difference.

I am overwhelmed by how relevant a poem this old is today. It is strange how drastically things have changed over the years, yet somehow remain the same. We face the same challenges as our forefathers; poverty, lack of education, racial division and some sort of oppression- we suffer similar pains and illnesses and to some extent, embrace their fashion in our time.

There comes a point in one’s life when tough choices have to be made -for example, the institution to pursue your studies,  the qualification to pursue, the company to work for, the department of preference, the ideal wife or husband, the brand of car and the school your children should attend. There’s always an array of choices to made, and more often than not- they are not easy to make.

All too often I find myself asking “what do I want for my life?” “Where do I want to be?” “What’s the best solution to my problem?” With each probing question I ask-the answers seem to disappear with each education brochure I read or the different departments I work within the company. The threshold of my confusion seems to be slowly spiraling out of control.

I find myself at a cross road- faced with a tough choice to make; which road to embark on as I lay the first milestone of my career. I am currently in a graduate development program which entails rotating within different departments of the bank.  My passion to study further is forcing me to choose between Risk Management and Investment Management and the impact this will have on my career development. While both alternatives will influence my work- different reasons to pursue one over the other come into play .Do I pursue what will get me ahead at work or do I pursue something I find interesting? Do I pursue one over the other because it’s more familiar?  Or do I pursue one over the other for self development?

The possibilities each road offers are enticing, the prospects are both rewarding. The one road guarantees security and comfort and is travelled by a lot of people. The other however, is less familiar and unhampered - providing an opportunity for growth; a new arena to diversify and influence.  By default- our society does not like the unfamiliar as it’s perceived to be risky and uncertain-but what if taking this journey changes your life?

Many students and people have been at a cross road some point in their lives- a point where you had to choose one option over another.  Different factors could have influenced your decision- be it parents, finances or opportunities at that time. Some of us have followed the crowd because their way seemed easier and more secure-even though we wanted to take a riskier and more adventurous road.    

The question we should be asking ourselves today is “are we going to travel the road more travelled? Or “are we ready to forge our path- a road less travelled?

I believe the time for us to take responsibility for our destiny is upon us.  The first step starts with making a choice that is aligned to the vision we have for our lives; the kind of future we’ve dreamed about.

Like Robert Frost, stand at the intersection of your life and decide- do you want to succeed or fail? Do you want to change your situation or dwell in your misery?  Take the road less travelled and be the difference you want to see in your life.

Smile. Laugh. Live

Craft your Success

Many authors have written widely on the subject of success, with different definitions as to what success means to different people. Some define success as the accumulation of material things- cars, houses, jewelry and the likes. Others define success as the achievement of one’s goals and dreams. Strictly speaking ‘success’ is a rather subjective definition- based on different perspectives, situations and journeys in life.

According to the Oxford definition of success- it is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose; the attainment of fame, wealth or social status or a person or things that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth etc.

 Our society plays a significant role in defining what success is and more often than not, their definition of success comes with stereotypes, a degree of comparison and pressure. To elaborate on what I mean- our society defines one as successful when they have attained a Bachelors degree from a recognized institution; employed by a popular employer; drives a certain brand of car and has a LSM( Living Standard Measure) of between 7-10. The very same communities are quick to dismiss anyone else who does not live up to these norms- classifying them as failures, rebels and unruly.

For those who have attempted to live up to these norms; they face immerse comparison. Our parents compare us to our neighbor’s children and their degree of achievement and further compare us with our siblings. They compare the degrees attained; where they are attained from and the jobs and salaries we earn.

Why is that?

It is every parents dream to see their children succeed and become respectable members of society. I believe it brings them fulfillment and a sense of “success”- the kind of fulfillment that they’ve achieved their mission in life.  Our societies too would love to see their communities prosper and thrive- with their children learned and accomplished.

Can we really blame society for sometimes being harsh on us should we not live up to these norms?  

No, we cannot. It is our duty to craft our own success- to craft a future for ourselves and for our country. We cannot blame our parents for wanting the best for us, even if it means they constantly compare us. We cannot blame our communities for reprimanding us for “failing’” to live up to the expected norm- what we can do however, is to establish our own definition of success.

I believe that success is a journey that each one of us travels; each with its special challenges; each a very unique journey. I also believe that we are all responsible for becoming Masters of our own success stories; authors of our own destinies and artists of our life’s master piece.

The art of crafting one’s success is dependent on the crafter of that story- in this case you. It is up to you to set a pace for your success- to set the aims of what you want to achieve in your own life. It is a process that requires you to actively participate in your own life. Set your goals that you want to accomplish in your own life- be it education, career development or being a contribution in your family.  Actively pursue the goals you’ve set for yourself- constantly working hard to make them a reality.

A journey of success would be incomplete without obstacles and setbacks; so prepare yourself to face different hardships in your pursuit of success. There will be failures- challenges and moments when you feel like quitting. All these are part and parcel of the pursuit of success- your definition of success.  What matters is how you respond to the setbacks.

Stephen Covey wrote in his book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, that you cannot control things that are beyond your control, so do not waste time focusing on those things, instead focus on your inner circle – the circle of influence- the things you can control and influence. So spend time focusing on the things you have direct control over and making them great. An author wrote that “success is a journey and not a destination.” With this said- you must continually embark on a journey of crafting your success- developing yourself; your career and your relationships.

My definition of success and yours might not necessarily be the same. But it is up to you to find your definition. I consider success as constantly overcoming my setbacks, achieving the different goals I set for myself- seeing my career develop and my relationship with different stakeholders grow and prosper. I define success as the journey I am undertaking each morning and each year- growing, learning and making a contribution to our society.

What is your definition of success?

“Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream- you gotta protect it. When people can’t do something themselves, they gonna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something, go get it period” ( Will Smith- Pursuit of Happyness film”

GRADUATION

It is every student’s dream to gracefully walk to the venue booked for the conferment of degrees, diplomas or certificates- what we commonly refer to as graduation. And as such, it comes with a number of serious preparations- the perfect suit for those who love the professional look; the stylish pair of stilettos for the woman of power and lastly the Haute

Once the first phase of preparations is done, we move on to the second part- the academic wear. This is my all time favorite- the sophistication of this look and respect it commands is overwhelming. It is not every day you wear the academic hat- so when you do; you want to make sure it fits perfectly and couture for the fashion gurus.

Graduation is a highlight for many students, mainly because it is a representation of the long hours we invested; the personal sacrifices many of us made. It is a token of our hard work, the discipline we displayed and the journey many of us travelled together. And it makes sense for it to be rather emotional.

I found myself anxiously waiting for graduation because I knew it was a glorious moment. I knew it was a reflection of my hard work, the sacrifices I made. It was a reminder that when you have a goal and you are prepared to work towards that goal- achieving it was possible.

There was a significant message I took with me from graduation as the guest speaker gave his key note address and he said:

“There are three pillars to what I can success-

1.    you need to work hard, very hard

2.    you need to be ethical, very ethical

3.    You need to have the right attitude, all the time.

This was a message I knew could make a positive contribution to my development as a person. This is the kind of message that could make you the person eligible for that promotion at work; the kind of student that eventually graduates; the kind of leader that could change our country.

The guest speaker further went on to say “if you are not adding value- then you are consuming value.”  This was a reminder to me that where ever you are- and whatever you are doing, it is imperative to make a contribution- that you add value.

As many us go to graduation and eventually go back to our new jobs or honors classes- remember what this guest speaker said. We need to work hard- very hard. We must be people with morals and ethics. Our attitude must be right- the kind that says “I can” and lastly we need to start adding value – to our companies, our families and our communities, because if we are not adding value, then we are consuming value.

Wishing all the graduates a prosperous future and to those working towards it, a successful and fruitful journey.

STAYING POSITIVE... IS IT POSSIBLE?

The prospect of finishing one’s degree is a driving force to overcoming any obstacle in life. It has a “push-pull” factor that inspires- motivates and activates an attitude of “Yes, I can”. This force pushes a graduate to work hard- to march on- to achieve, while pulling them forward- closer to their destinies. This force activates the realities of their dreams and the possibilities of achieving them. Many graduates complete their degrees energised and filled with hunger to go out into the world and make a difference. But once this process is complete, many of us are faced with reality of unemployment- the torment of nepotism and possibly the nightmare of a negative attitude.

It is no secret that the job market is not always favourable. It is no secret that finding the job of your dreams is not always as easy as remembering the 7 P’s of the Marketing mix or that you will find the dream job immediately after your studies. All these facts could be de-motivating but it depends on one’s attitude.

Unemployment is every graduate’s biggest fear; the frustration of struggling to find a job and the prospect of regret. What make matters worse are people who try hard to motivate you- forcing you to appreciate your accomplishments and reminding you that it is not over yet and things always work out. Their intentions aren’t completely unwarranted, but when dealing with so many unanswered questions- it could be hard welcoming this kind of motivation.

Surely there has to be a way- some kind of secret to dealing with this kind of difficulty. There must be some kind of formula to overcoming this nightmare.

Yes, there is ...the secret is a positive attitude.

A vast amount of material has been written on the subject of “a positive attitude yields positive results “. Many an author, pastor and life coaches continually reiterate the importance of positive living and a positive mentality to overcome adverse situations- be it illness, school, unemployment or life in general. It is becoming common knowledge that “it’s not what happens to you that matters, but how you respond to it that does”, and an increasing number of self help books continue their teachings on this subject. John Maxwell shares 7 Steps how a Positive attitude can change your life- how changing your mentality from things are impossible to everything is possible can impact you and your dreams:

      Possibility thinking increases your possibilities- it you are positive that you will find your dream job and believe its possible then you will find it.

      Possibility thinking draws opportunities and people to you- if you are passionate about the job you want to do- go out and use the time you have available to learn, network with the people doing the job already

      Possibility thinking increases other’s possibilities- your attitude can affect other graduates-so surround yourself with graduates that are positive and inspired

      Possibility thinking allows you to dream big dreams- let the dream you had at university drive you forward- motivate you and inspire you to dream bigger and make it a reality

      Possibility thinking makes it possible to rise above average- never allow the situation you find yourself in define your destination. Aspire to be a better graduate- a bigger dreamer

      Possibility think gives you energy- lf life hands you lemons- squeeze them and make lemonade- smile, laugh and live.

      Possibility thinks keeps you from giving up- it is your attitude that will keep you inspired and motivate to wait for your turn. Keep an attitude of “ Yes I can” “ Yes, it’s Possible’

Being unemployed is not an easy period in one’s life but it is your attitude that will make the difference.  Adopt a positive attitude no matter how hard it is- this will keep you going – this will keep you hope- this will keep you from giving up. Use this time to give back to the community- use this time to improve you- use this time to learn, read and empower yourself. John Maxwell writes in his book, Thinking for Change that you need to invest in yourself if you want to succeed.  Use this time to do that.

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CHANGING

I find myself at a point in my life when I am hungry for something new; hungry for something bigger. As this hunger grows and starts to consume me from within, I find myself getting confused, agitated and frustrated. This frustration could be as a result of “where do I start?”, “how to do this?” “What will come of this?”

It is no longer enough to approach life hoping that things will work out as you’ve imagined them. It is no longer enough to sit around, waiting for opportunities to come find you. It is neither the time, nor the place to be passive- this year calls for drastic change.

But what is change? How do you accomplish this ‘change’ people talk about?

This has been a question that has weighed heavily on my mind for the 2 weeks of 2012.  I’ve been telling myself that I need to change my mindset; need to change my approach to life. I’ve gone as far as striving to be a ‘change agent in my community and the world’.

The harder I tried to initiate this change, the harder it is to carry on. It is at this point of initiation that I realised that in order for change to happen, I need to rid myself of the old habits that hold me back from becoming a better person. It is at this point that I realised that I cannot change the people that hold me back, but I can change who I allow into my life- their impact- their contribution. My goal in life was to be a change agent; to change the world and to change lives. What I didn’t realise was that before I could change the world or lives; I had to work on myself first. Leo Tolstoy quotes;

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself”

After reading this quote in “Thinking for Change” by John Maxwell, I learnt that I need to empower myself first, before I can empower others. It is important to work on yourself before you can advise others on how best to live their lives- on how best to approach their problems and conquer their fears. Become the change agent to your own life; become a person that radiates integrity and strives for success.

As we march on into 2012, I urge you to focus on changing yourself- focusing on become a better person- a better brand. This is apparently the year for the “self” and the year for “wealth” and it is my mere coincidence that I found the quote by Leo Tolstoy “everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself”

Change is not easily nor is it fun; but if we can change ourselves this year- 2012 will be a year we can be proud of. John Maxwell writes in his book, Thinking for Change, that “only when you make the right changes to your thinking do other things begin to turn out right”  May this truly a year of the “self”- a year where we concentrate on improving the people we are- the people we wish to become.