Society constantly refers to our generation as the ‘lost generation’ for a number of reasons. We are often reprimanded for our disobedience. We are crucified for our lack of manners and respect for our elders. Our parents severely criticise our efforts in trying to accomplish tasks -some as simple as house chores or other given tasks- maybe because our approach and timing in accomplishing these tasks differs drastically from their approach.  Dare and try reason with an elder and you are done- immediately labelled as unruly and disrespectful.

I find it frustrating that we are often dismissed by society and then they have the audacity to call us the ‘lost generation.’ What our parents fail to understand, is that our generation is not like theirs. We are the twitter and Facebook generation- a generation that relies heavily on expressing our opinion. We are the generation of “ITunes” and “To – do list”- a generation that schedules dates with friends, lovers and other activities- meticulously I must add.

The reason I am constantly at war with my parents and society is their lack of listening. They hear me but they do not listen to what I have to say- my thoughts; goals or plans. They assume that they know what is best for me without asking what I think. They schedule plans without consulting me or asking if I will be able to do it- they decide what is best without my input. More often than not, they just waltz into my room each morning- give me a detailed list of tasks I must do and when I must do them. Why they couldn’t give me the list the night before baffles me. This way, I can include the tasks in my “to- do list” and still have time for my own tasks.

Parents often wonder why we rebel and act in ways they cannot understand – they then blame it our moral decay and the ‘lost generation’. They often ask why we deliberately break rules and throw tantrums. We have a voice- so do not just hear but actually listen. We have a brain- do not treat us like robots and issue commands- engage our minds and see our potential. We have opinions and ideas- do not dismiss us, listen and consider our suggestions.

According to Susie Michelle Cortright, here are 10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills you can learn and share with your parents. Cortright writes and says “Listening skills fuel our social, emotional and professional success, and studies have proven that listening is a skill we can learn.”  Cortright goes on and lists tips on how to listen effectively as listed below

1.    Face the speaker- sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show you attentiveness through body language.

2.    Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you all remain comfortable.

3.    Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV- Put down your books or magazines and ask the speaker and other listeners to do the same.

4.    Respond Appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and um-hmm” and nod). Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really”, Interesting as well as a more direct prompts: What did you do then? And what did she say?

5.    Focus solely on what the speaker is saying.  Try not to think about what you are going to say next. The conversation will follow a logic flow after the speaker makes her point.

6.    Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and continuously refocus your attention on the speaker, as much as you would during meditation.

7.    Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.

8.    Avoid letting the speaker know you handled a similar situation. Unless they specifically ask for advice, assume they just need to talk it out.

9.    Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until they finish to defend yourself. The speaker will feel as though their point had been made. They won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can speak, so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in... And be ready for more to come.

10.  Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but once again, wait until the speaker has finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying...” (iamnext.com:powerchange.com/students/people/listen)

We are not the ‘lost generation’- we are a different generation. Show us respect and we will value yours. Talk to us and understand us and we will be tweet more favourable things about you.  Hear us and we will cooperate and help in making life more pleasant.

 

Young and vibrant!!! An inspiration to many

Interview By Bophelo Kanetsi

Having set down with this young fellow for lunch, I truly felt motivated!! Tokiso Nthebe, an inspiring motivational speaker already on his way to publishing a book.

This mafeteng born gentleman is currently a student at university of Pretoria. He discovered in his teens he has a unique ability to inspire other people.  Sitting in a busy restaurant, Tokiso, otherwise known as T.K, spoke flamboyantly and above the noise. ‘People always said to me they feel better after speaking to me, when going through a difficult time. This is when I decided to reach out to more people and inspire the masses.’

So where did all this start? After a short pause to take a sip of his drink, he revealed that starting out was not necessarily difficult, as organizing talks does not require startup capital, just the right marketing.  He started by informing friends and acquaintances about his seminar. He therefore gathered material from several books he had read; his own life experiences and put together a PowerPoint presentation to be presented at his former primary school, in Wepener.

He retold the story as if was yesterday. He had targeted Grades 11 and 12’s, but mostly matric students that would be writing their exams soon. His talk seemed to have been effective as it drove several people to tears. It was then that he knew that this was his passion and a potentially lucrative business.

From there on, it has been talks for fellow students at the University of Pretoria.  “I attended seminars of other well known public and motivational speakers, so to improve on my own presentations. I added exercises as well, to make a better and longer lasting effect on a person.

He further went on to explain that in order to be successful in the future, he had to receive feedback from his audience. So every talk would be followed by a questionnaire. The audience rates him and suggests ways in which he could improve. With this information, T.K planned and executed bigger better talks. One memorable one ….he said, was the event at NUL. He prepared well as he knew this would be a difficult audience. To this surprise, they were fully attentive and willing to participate.

He is now a member of the Professional Speakers Association in South Africa, what is this twenty two year old planning for the future? Quite ambitious, I gathered. Among many of his big dreams for Lesotho, one that he feels could be the beneficial to Basotho is to create a platform that empowers the youth. ‘I feel that there isn’t really good career guidance in high schools, that people just study what is available, what is sponsored, what their parents are familiar with and not necessarily what they are good at. He is doing what he’s passionate about and it gives him such great pleasure, why not teach others to do the same. Tokiso further wants to partner with organizations such as SIFE to help young entrepreneurs build up successful business.

After this brief meeting with Mr. Nthebe I truly felt inspired. I had something to take home as well. He encouraged me to read, to read motivational books such as the Secret that help individuals to fully reach their potential. “The more you read, the better you can write, and the better you can speak. So T.K we truly look forward to your next public speaking event…….

LETTER TO LESOTHO

Dear Lesotho

You gave birth to a star- a star with so much potential. You’ve encouraged me to take a leap of faith and exceed my expectations.  You threw me in the deep end and forced me to learn how to swim.  You taught me how to fight for my dreams- how to take responsibility for my life. Your love for me- gave me the gift of education. You’ve valued me enough and gave me a chance to be a better person. Because of you, I acquired new knowledge. Because of you, I learnt how to grab opportunities with both hands. Because of you- I am who I am today: ambitious- resilient- educated.

For years I had nothing positive to say about you. I turned a blind eye to the love you’ve shown me over the years. I was quick to judge you- pin pointing your ALL flaws. I criticised you for your mistakes- however big or small. I never said “well done” to the goals you’ve achieved. I never said thank you for the opportunities you’ve given me, instead I blamed you for those you didn’t give me.

I am sorry for being unappreciative. I am sorry for not loving you the way you deserve to be loved.  I am sorry for never saying thank you. I am sorry for not appreciating you for who you are.

The time for us to love our country is here. It is time we stop complaining about our country’s flaws and start becoming contributions. It is time we stop criticising its mistakes and offer suggestions that will move us forward. It is time we stop comparing this country to other countries and start creating opportunities that will change our future.  All our complaining is not going to bring change.

Let us become the change we want to see in our country.

Yours Sincerely

Tokiso

What Will Matter by Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collect, where treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.  Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too your hopes, ambitions, plans, to do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave. What will matter is not your success but you significance. What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character. What will matter is not how many people knew you but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone. What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.

CLASS OF 2011

It seemed like just yesterday when I walked into my first Honours lecture- nervous of what to expect; excited by the prospects of a new chance to learn. I was a little concerned by rumours I had heard from former students- the “apparently” overwhelming workload; the difficulty of this degree and the tough times that I was to face.  I convinced myself that Winston Churchill had to be right when he said; “It is not enough that we do our best- sometimes we have to what is required.”

The rumours began to materialize sooner rather than later. The workload was overwhelming; the difficulty of the degree began to surface; the tough times seemed like they were here to stay- Honours 2011 was in full swing.

We suffered the wrath of the lecturer’s high standards. We faced disappointing results after many tests. We became experts at handling tight deadlines- adverse working conditions and sleep deprivation, but the goal kept us going.

It is now 11 months later and we made it through 2011’s hardships. We’ve conquered it- grew stronger and learnt valuable life lessons i.e. perseverance, commitment and resilience. Our setbacks taught us to pursue our goals and our accomplishments taught us to work even harder for what we want to achieve. We made no excuses for our failures. We blamed no one for our setbacks. Instead we preserved and tried again and again.

“Excuses won’t do it. Commitment, and the focused, persistent action to back it up, are what will get you there” Ralph Marston

If 2011 has been a disappointment; learn from your mistakes. If your goals didn’t materialize, focus on getting them right next time. If you felt like giving up or doing nothing- procrastination will not produce results- get up, act and take responsibility.

I raise a glass to the“Class of 2011”.....

Your hard work has paid off- be proud.

 Your goals materialised- set new and bigger ones.

You have become stronger, smarter and resilient individuals- learn more each day and conquer.

Smile. Laugh. Live

FEAR… AND FIREWORKS

There is a crippling feeling that is eating away inside of me… with each second; the pain gets stronger and unbearable. With each passing day, the worry grows bigger, leaving me anxious and frustrated. There is a crippling feeling haunting my heart, robbing me of my ambitious. A feeling so cruel, that I inevitably doubt myself.  A feeling so dangerous, that I lose faith in my own strength. The nights are the worst… I jolt out of my bed with each crackling sound. The shades that surround my room remind me of my failures, flaws and lack to talent. The screeching sound of the banging door makes me want to jump out of my skin. I am afraid… I am overwhelmed by fear.

I feel like I can never overcome it. I feel like I am not strong enough to fight it; the doubt; the nightmares; the low self esteem. How did I get myself in this situation?

My journey as a post graduate student has been surrounded by nothing more than fear and uncertainty. Fear of failure; anxiety and doubt. Fear of lack of understanding. Each passing day increases the stress and frustration. Each passing day drags my fear on and on.

 Why do I doubt myself like this? Why torture myself like this?

Katty Perry’s “Fire work” track has been my bridge to survival.  I’ve imagined myself as a firework.  A firework that has hidden potential…Creativity… art work… drive. A firework, that has a spark waiting to be ignited, showing off its burst of colours.

 I remind myself that after a hurricane comes a rainbow…radiating with bright colours. That there is a door in my life, waiting to be opened, opened to endless opportunities. I remind myself that like a fire bolt, my heart will blow… exploding with dreams.

Life is hard irrespective of where you are and what you are doing. And fear is there to create doubt, anxiety and worry.  But like a firework, we should ignite our sparks and unleash the potential. Like a thunder bolt, we should allow our dreams to explode. And like doors, we should open our hearts and embrace opportunities.

“Teach ability is an attitude, a mindset that says ‘no matter how much I know, or think I know, I can learn from this situation. That kind of thinking can help you turn adversity into advantage. It can make you a winner even during the most difficult circumstances.” (Source thinking for a change- J Maxwell)

So go on… become a firework and leave no room for fear to manifest in your life… let your colours burst. Let them see your worth.

 

OPPORTUNITES

For a greater part of my life I was convinced that my life was clearly mapped out. I would complete my undergraduate degree; pursue my Post graduate degree and work in a fancy company. My office would be furnished with state of the art furnishings- a view that inspired creativity and productivity; the passages would be beautifully decorated with art work that evoked emotions never felt and lastly the cup of coffee that would revitalise my overworked body.

I imagined my life in an environment so competitive that sleep would be luxury- the kind of life where the only things that mattered would be your values; work ethic and the level of productivity. This was a dream of the corporate world- where people constantly stretch themselves to achieve higher returns; better titles; better salaries. I focused so much effort into making this kind of life a reality. I strongly believed that my destiny was crafted in this kind of environment; with these kind of objectives; this kind of salaries

I become frustrated by the number of rejections I received from numerous corporate companies I had applied for. With each rejection e-mail, I saw my dream of the corporate life drift further away and my frustration quickly spiralling out of control. It didn’t make sense as to why achieving this dream was so impossible. It didn’t make sense why something so good was so hard to find.

Sometimes in life- we chase after dreams that were never meant for us. We chase after opportunities that were never meant for our lives. We make the mistake of investing immeasurable effort into an attempt that would fail because it was never aligned to our futures and thus, we miss out on great opportunities that lie in front of us.

I have recently woken up to a new dream; a life that is clearly mapped out; that is aligned to my purpose- my future. I would complete my undergraduate degree; pursue my Honours; complete my Masters and eventually my Doctorate.  My office would be furnished with state of the art furnishings- a view that inspired growth; development and education. The passages would be filled with legends that contributed to the world’s education and would invoke hunger for continuous learning and lastly, the cup of coffee that would revitalise; stimulate and educate my brain. I realised that I was never meant to be in the corporate environment but instead in Academia.

Are you chasing after opportunities that are meant for you? Are you investing effort into something that will succeed?

Let us stop wasting precious time pursuing opportunities that were never meant for our lives; instead focus on finding out what your purpose in life is and chasing after those opportunities.

Smile. Laugh. Live

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